If you are wondering about my title read on. It is my usual internal dialogue that seems to show through a tad too often for my liking. I will enlighten you by giving a specific example of it.
We have had really good things happen at the same time as really bad things. On the one hand, we have our own schedule, have gotten to spend more time with our kids, can work on our house more often, have several great friends, and got to go on a long vacation (things that wouldn't be possible with a regular job). On the other hand, we don't have business capital, we have had a few customers wait forever to pay (or still haven't), haven't had work from those that do pay (for way too long), have had to figure out most business stuff ourselves, have had people gossip about us or "misrepresent" what we say to other (creating bad feelings towards us) and have to multi-task to the point of insanity sometimes-kids, phone, customers, employees, house repairs, dishes, wash, etc.
Whew! So needless to say I feel as blessed as I do dumped on. Well, now for the funny part:
(Simultaneous to the above stuff) I had been searching for PT jobs and revamping my resume so that I could get a part-time job while we were waiting for the work to pickup or for customers to pay or both. This seemed like the logical solution to our cash flow problem. Darin, needed to stay available to run the company and I was going insane hoping for things to get better. This of course was a topic that Darin and I seemed to disagree on. He thought I shouldn't stress and I thought he wasn't stressed enough!
So I sent my resume to a few job listings that I liked and then I waited.
Well, what do ya think happened?
Nothing. AAACCCKKKK! I was really frustrated at that point, but I knew that this was God's way of keeping my faith and patience in check. So, I just took a deep breath.... and got depressed (thought I was gonna say endured well, huh).
Ok, so that wasn't gonna help but I did my best to get over it and to keep on being a good- wife, mom, church member and person. Well, about a day after I felt like nothing was gonna fix our mess, two things happened. First, something happened that distracted and frustrated me so much that it took my focus off no money and on to that. Second, we got a email from a big customer saying that they had lots of work for us to do, starting ASAP.
Here is where the life lesson happens:
I sat there crying after Darin told me the good news about the new work and thought to myself-
"Oh yee of little faith" and much littler patience! I guess I keep having to learn the same lesson over and over.
Life is not easy, but it is worth it! When everything is going good and life is "easy" we become lazy and don't grow much. When we struggle it makes us appreciate what we have and learn how to be better. I know that if I ever want to be like my heavenly father, I am going to have to endure and learn from many, many, many trials.
So...............
The gospel is true, God lives, the prophet is called of God and I cannot deny my testimony or my covenants with God. I am so grateful for the things that keep me in check and remind me of what I cherish most- My relationship with God, my family and my eternal goals.
To all those that read this- thanks for being my friend even though I'm not a quick learner sometimes.
Chanel.
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